Random Kenneth Quotes
- "Science was my favorite subject. Especially the Old Testament."
- "Are you pickling squirrel meat? Cause I can lend you my skullpresser."
- [betting on a bad hand] "Why? Because I believe life is for the living. I believe in taking risks and biting off more than you can chew. And also, people were yelling and I got confused about the rules."
- [on coffee] "I love how it makes me feel. It's like my heart is trying to hug my brain"
- "That lady you European-kissed last night was actually a gentleman."
- "We lose half the congregation every time American Idol starts up."
- Warning Pete about the perils of dancing: “Do you remember the movie Footloose, where those evil kids won in the end? You’re going to make a mistake tonight.”
- Refusing free coffee: “I don’t drink hot liquids of any kind. That’s the Devil’s temperature!”
- Excited about finally having cable: “There’s a whole channel on the cable that just tells you what’s on the other channels!”
- Describing how he spends his savings: “I’ve had to send more money home lately. There are problems on the farm. After years of inbreeding, the pigs are getting violent, and the pig shield around the house has worn thin.”
- Trying to seduce Tracy’s wife: “I like your top. I’m a real good sex person. I do it all the different ways.”
- After Dot Com tells him they need to talk: “Oh, I’ve had this conversation before. You’re marrying my mom, aren’t you?”
- On special treatment for the disabled: “I wouldn’t have this job if it wasn’t for the mouth in my back.”
